Brandt and I were about to go to the store and I asked him if he was going to change his shorts. It was a very cold day so I thought he should change into pants. He asked, “What’s wrong with my shorts? Don’t you like them?” I was going to explain myself but decided to be funny and bring up something he said about his shorts a while back so I replied with, “Well, they look a little touristy. People might confuse you with a tourist and that would be embarrassing.” He was taken aback and quickly defended the untouristy shirt he was wearing. Then he looked at me and said, “Well, you look like you’ve let yourself go.” I squawked in shock, gave him a grumpy face, turned around and walked into the bedroom. I knew he was kidding and only said it because my tummy is getting bigger and usually that happens when you let yourself go but I couldn’t believe him! He then followed me in and told me how funny he was.
Background: I do the finances. Brandt gives me his pay stubs and expense checks and I file and deposit them respectively. I do this so he doesn’t have to and I really don’t mind it. Sometimes he’ll give me his stub and check a week late so when I think of asking for it I do so he doesn’t have to carry it around all the time. In other words… I’m a very nice wife.
More Background: We watch a lot of Hulu. If you don’t you may not get this…
Me: Hey, can I have your paycheck?
Brandt: AH, No! It’s mine. You think I would just give it to you? You think you can just take it?
Me: Well, did you get it yet?
Me: Well, did you get an expense check?
Me: Well, I’d be more that happy to let you go to the bank and deposit it.
Brandt: (digs in his bag and gets the stub and check out, slams it into my hand begrudgingly) Fine, feed the pig.
Again, I squawked and told him I couldn’t believe he said that. Pretty clever though.